spare room

there were a few things missing and the house felt a little less cluttered. i walked up the stairs to the room that i've avoided since may and turned on the lights. it was stripped save for an abandoned double-deck bed frame where my nieces used to nest every night. it sat in the farthest corner of the room in melancholic contemplation.

they are gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. what was once a full home, running over the brim, is now half empty and quiet.

i never got to say the things i wanted to say because anger, pride and grudge guarded my heart and lips like selfish goblins. never got to ask why, i'm sorry too and i love you. i haven't spoken to my sister for 4 months and counting. how did this happen? and now she's moved away, gone and she took the extra things and the noise with her.

we've become strangers and i've become a stranger in my own home. how did this happen? i miss my nieces most. i wish they would run up to me and ask me to hold them like they used to.

i miss little faces, little hands and little fingers that tickled. but they're gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. now all that's left is an empty spare room.

sad days seem long...

i was in desperate need of a hug today.
but there were no real friends around me. only people i worked with.
why does it get so hard sometimes? ever wondered if life's just being a bitch and pretending to be hard. or are the people living it making it hard.
and it's only tuesday.
fuck!

first entry in months

first entry in months and....

i got to this through jia's blog.

	Tenderheart Bear You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

oh and i'm no longer unemployed or subject to intern slavery. i'm part of the happy *cough cough* full-time permanent editorial staff at sph (straits times). yay.

feed me or die

ever felt so hungry that you want to kill? that's how i feel right now, this moment, this very nanosecond. so hungry that i'd like to stab someone.

writing up articles about this year's mid-autumn festival mooncakes from renowned local hotel restaurants and waraku's extensive selection of japanese cuisine doesn't make this any more comfortable either.

other than a visible improvement of my complexion, i hate healthy diets.

to you

to you

who gave me life all those years ago but constantly reminds me that it’s not my own to live but something that must be dedicated to your ways and wishes. after all, everything is indebted to you. sometimes my glares are filled with hate and blame. have you ever wondered why i’m so angry?
i hate it when you’re upset and you won’t let me make you feel better.
i hate it when i yell at you.
i hate it when you’re convinced that you are the sole victim of hurt feelings but never acknowledge that you have dealt some of your own hurting.
i hate it when you play the martyr whose self-sacrifices constitute the very pillars of all that is great in our lives and there’s not a single credit to our names.
i am very aware that i am not a perfect daughter but it is devastating whenever you point it out so plainly.
you always say, “it’s easy to make a mother happy.” but with all due respect, you are not a person who can be pleased easily.
you always say you love me yet whenever you are unhappy, you threaten to pack your bags and leave. but you won’t because you can’t bear to walk out on dad.
then i guess i’m not worth staying for.
i want to tell you not to worry. to save the trouble and let me leave instead. i’ll help fulfill what you’ve always wanted to do. just keep this up and maybe someday, i'd have mustered enough courage to finally walk away. maybe then, there will be no more pain to stop you from basking freely in the glory that is your unflawed goodness.

will smith is the last man on earth

holy schmuck! this piece of material has really crawled out of the paper bag of a decade-long development hell. it has emerged, teaser trailer and all! based on the legendary (yes. pun intended.) novel by richard matheson, i am legend is proclaimed to be one of the most influential vampire fictions of the 20th century. the trials and tribulations of robert neville- as the sole survivor in new york (and possibly the world) after a plague has turned every person in its wake into a blood-sucking creature of the night- is really an exploration of alienation and the idea that one day, YOU might just be the monster and the odd one out of an entire population.

forget anne rice. if you ask me, zombies are a lot more fun. and this film promises to bring in elements of both zombie and vampire narratives. wicked, no?



let's hope that the adaptation preserves the spirit and intention of the original story. but for now, the teaser does look like a 28 days/weeks later cop out.

hogwarts' badasses

remember last year when the first one-sheet teaser of voldemort- sinister and solo- was released and in fangirl abandon, i hoped for one that featured the da?

well...

makes my fangirl senses all tingly. you know what else sets off little sparks of geeky goodness? the badass international trailer of harry potter and the order of the phoenix.



i wonder if this is what dying and going to heaven is like. omfg! can't wait for classic moments like when fred and george ditch school forever with a bang, bellatrix lestrange in action, the big battle in the ministry of magic!! *sigh* the contended fangirl. for now.