the prodigal daughter returns.

so
the thesis is in. it has been for close to a month now. i left perth in a fl/hurry but without any regrets for in my own quiet way, i have said goodbye to many things over the summer. the fact that my two closest and oldest friends, jia and xiang, went there especially to assist my return to singapore, re-opened my eyes to a place i have lived in for 4 years and perhaps, not always seen. every shape and hue are now imprinted in my mind's eye. even the prickling of the summer's sun on my skin. 5 minutes into the plane set for home and before it had taken off, a young chinese man with a muddled accent occupying the seat behind mine passed a nasty comment about me. ah. the better-than-thou smugfest, a very jarring reminder that what lies ahead is an uphill struggle to once again pick up the threads of what seems to me a past-life in a city that is rarely forgiving.

i feel out of my own skin for many of the days. with small moments of comfortable familiarity whenever i settle down into a plushy seat at the cinema, scoop home-cooked food into my mouth, smell the tropical rain, look out into the city skyline, break into a wet sweat or retrace my route through my favourite places. alien are the familiar faces that seem glad to see me. smiles that asked how i am and how i've changed. how do you summarise a 4 year experience? how do u sum yourself up in the first place? and perhaps the toughest of all... those from your deep past... who have been waiting for your return and expect the very same person to come home. an unchanged girl from before the time you left.

things will never be the same. i am never the same again. even if i wanted to or even if i tried. so i would kindly request that you look at me with eyes re-opened and get to know me again.

the now-me.