to you

to you

who gave me life all those years ago but constantly reminds me that it’s not my own to live but something that must be dedicated to your ways and wishes. after all, everything is indebted to you. sometimes my glares are filled with hate and blame. have you ever wondered why i’m so angry?
i hate it when you’re upset and you won’t let me make you feel better.
i hate it when i yell at you.
i hate it when you’re convinced that you are the sole victim of hurt feelings but never acknowledge that you have dealt some of your own hurting.
i hate it when you play the martyr whose self-sacrifices constitute the very pillars of all that is great in our lives and there’s not a single credit to our names.
i am very aware that i am not a perfect daughter but it is devastating whenever you point it out so plainly.
you always say, “it’s easy to make a mother happy.” but with all due respect, you are not a person who can be pleased easily.
you always say you love me yet whenever you are unhappy, you threaten to pack your bags and leave. but you won’t because you can’t bear to walk out on dad.
then i guess i’m not worth staying for.
i want to tell you not to worry. to save the trouble and let me leave instead. i’ll help fulfill what you’ve always wanted to do. just keep this up and maybe someday, i'd have mustered enough courage to finally walk away. maybe then, there will be no more pain to stop you from basking freely in the glory that is your unflawed goodness.