spare room

there were a few things missing and the house felt a little less cluttered. i walked up the stairs to the room that i've avoided since may and turned on the lights. it was stripped save for an abandoned double-deck bed frame where my nieces used to nest every night. it sat in the farthest corner of the room in melancholic contemplation.

they are gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. what was once a full home, running over the brim, is now half empty and quiet.

i never got to say the things i wanted to say because anger, pride and grudge guarded my heart and lips like selfish goblins. never got to ask why, i'm sorry too and i love you. i haven't spoken to my sister for 4 months and counting. how did this happen? and now she's moved away, gone and she took the extra things and the noise with her.

we've become strangers and i've become a stranger in my own home. how did this happen? i miss my nieces most. i wish they would run up to me and ask me to hold them like they used to.

i miss little faces, little hands and little fingers that tickled. but they're gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. now all that's left is an empty spare room.

sad days seem long...

i was in desperate need of a hug today.
but there were no real friends around me. only people i worked with.
why does it get so hard sometimes? ever wondered if life's just being a bitch and pretending to be hard. or are the people living it making it hard.
and it's only tuesday.
fuck!