Confessions of a Movie Slut Part Deux

spare room

2008-08-28T23:40:00.003+08:00

there were a few things missing and the house felt a little less cluttered. i walked up the stairs to the room that i've avoided since may and turned on the lights. it was stripped save for an abandoned double-deck bed frame where my nieces used to nest every night. it sat in the farthest corner of the room in melancholic contemplation.

they are gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. what was once a full home, running over the brim, is now half empty and quiet.

i never got to say the things i wanted to say because anger, pride and grudge guarded my heart and lips like selfish goblins. never got to ask why, i'm sorry too and i love you. i haven't spoken to my sister for 4 months and counting. how did this happen? and now she's moved away, gone and she took the extra things and the noise with her.

we've become strangers and i've become a stranger in my own home. how did this happen? i miss my nieces most. i wish they would run up to me and ask me to hold them like they used to.

i miss little faces, little hands and little fingers that tickled. but they're gone and they took the extra things and the noise with them. now all that's left is an empty spare room.

sad days seem long...

2008-08-12T01:24:00.002+08:00

i was in desperate need of a hug today.
but there were no real friends around me. only people i worked with.
why does it get so hard sometimes? ever wondered if life's just being a bitch and pretending to be hard. or are the people living it making it hard.
and it's only tuesday.
fuck!

first entry in months

2007-10-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

first entry in months and....

i got to this through jia's blog.

	Tenderheart Bear You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
*Take the Which Care Bear Are You?* Quiz!**

oh and i'm no longer unemployed or subject to intern slavery. i'm part of the happy *cough cough* full-time permanent editorial staff at sph (straits times). yay.

feed me or die

2007-07-02T18:34:00.000+08:00

ever felt so hungry that you want to kill? that's how i feel right now, this moment, this very nanosecond. so hungry that i'd like to stab someone.

writing up articles about this year's mid-autumn festival mooncakes from renowned local hotel restaurants and waraku's extensive selection of japanese cuisine doesn't make this any more comfortable either.

other than a visible improvement of my complexion, i hate healthy diets.

to you

2007-06-25T18:25:00.000+08:00

to you

who gave me life all those years ago but constantly reminds me that it’s not my own to live but something that must be dedicated to your ways and wishes. after all, everything is indebted to you. sometimes my glares are filled with hate and blame. have you ever wondered why i’m so angry?
i hate it when you’re upset and you won’t let me make you feel better.
i hate it when i yell at you.
i hate it when you’re convinced that you are the sole victim of hurt feelings but never acknowledge that you have dealt some of your own hurting.
i hate it when you play the martyr whose self-sacrifices constitute the very pillars of all that is great in our lives and there’s not a single credit to our names.
i am very aware that i am not a perfect daughter but it is devastating whenever you point it out so plainly.
you always say, “it’s easy to make a mother happy.” but with all due respect, you are not a person who can be pleased easily.
you always say you love me yet whenever you are unhappy, you threaten to pack your bags and leave. but you won’t because you can’t bear to walk out on dad.
then i guess i’m not worth staying for.
i want to tell you not to worry. to save the trouble and let me leave instead. i’ll help fulfill what you’ve always wanted to do. just keep this up and maybe someday, i'd have mustered enough courage to finally walk away. maybe then, there will be no more pain to stop you from basking freely in the glory that is your unflawed goodness.

will smith is the last man on earth

2007-06-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

holy schmuck! this piece of material has really crawled out of the paper bag of a decade-long development hell. it has emerged, teaser trailer and all! based on the legendary (yes. pun intended.) novel by richard matheson, i am legend is proclaimed to be one of the most influential vampire fictions of the 20th century. the trials and tribulations of robert neville- as the sole survivor in new york (and possibly the world) after a plague has turned every person in its wake into a blood-sucking creature of the night- is really an exploration of alienation and the idea that one day, YOU might just be the monster and the odd one out of an entire population.

forget anne rice. if you ask me, zombies are a lot more fun. and this film promises to bring in elements of both zombie and vampire narratives. wicked, no?

let's hope that the adaptation preserves the spirit and intention of the original story. but for now, the teaser does look like a 28 days/weeks later cop out.

hogwarts' badasses

2007-04-27T01:21:00.000+08:00

remember last year when the first one-sheet teaser of voldemort- sinister and solo- was released and in fangirl abandon, i hoped for one that featured the da?

well...

makes my fangirl senses all tingly. you know what else sets off little sparks of geeky goodness? the badass international trailer of harry potter and the order of the phoenix.

i wonder if this is what dying and going to heaven is like. omfg! can't wait for classic moments like when fred and george ditch school forever with a bang, bellatrix lestrange in action, the big battle in the ministry of magic!! *sigh* the contended fangirl. for now.

sho cuuute

2007-04-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

i'm in love with this gap commercial. love the song from annie get your gun. love the idea. love the actors innit. it's uber cute without my wanting to hurl. and that's a very good thing.

good things happen in threes

2007-04-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

or so they say.

pirates 3 is looking great but i'm beginning to lose hope that there'll be any temasek malays represented. glad to know that the rumours from last year about part of the plot being set in singapore/temasek/whatever is true. chow-yun fat's welcome could elicit a few giggles for the unsuspecting singaporean. so i suggest that watching this trailer is rather worth it.

for a version of the trailer that actually kicks ass-inine, go here.

the curse of bourgeois culture

2007-03-14T16:54:00.000+08:00

uninhibited materialism.

browsing through amazon casually as i'm wont to do from time to time, i realise that my current amazon wish list is two pages long. i'm a person with little money and lots of stuff. now you know why... the karang guni syndrome.

sunshine

2007-03-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

trainspotting rocks my boat. the beach is awesome though i know it didn't impress all. i'm all over 28 days later like a rash. so that means i'm already loving this...

alex garland

danny boyle

present

Sunshine

for another awesome clip from the film, go here. official website here.

the prodigal daughter returns.

2007-02-27T00:57:00.000+08:00

so
the thesis is in. it has been for close to a month now. i left perth in a fl/hurry but without any regrets for in my own quiet way, i have said goodbye to many things over the summer. the fact that my two closest and oldest friends, jia and xiang, went there especially to assist my return to singapore, re-opened my eyes to a place i have lived in for 4 years and perhaps, not always seen. every shape and hue are now imprinted in my mind's eye. even the prickling of the summer's sun on my skin. 5 minutes into the plane set for home and before it had taken off, a young chinese man with a muddled accent occupying the seat behind mine passed a nasty comment about me. ah. the better-than-thou smugfest, a very jarring reminder that what lies ahead is an uphill struggle to once again pick up the threads of what seems to me a past-life in a city that is rarely forgiving.

i feel out of my own skin for many of the days. with small moments of comfortable familiarity whenever i settle down into a plushy seat at the cinema, scoop home-cooked food into my mouth, smell the tropical rain, look out into the city skyline, break into a wet sweat or retrace my route through my favourite places. alien are the familiar faces that seem glad to see me. smiles that asked how i am and how i've changed. how do you summarise a 4 year experience? how do u sum yourself up in the first place? and perhaps the toughest of all... those from your deep past... who have been waiting for your return and expect the very same person to come home. an unchanged girl from before the time you left.

things will never be the same. i am never the same again. even if i wanted to or even if i tried. so i would kindly request that you look at me with eyes re-opened and get to know me again.

the now-me.

of cinematic greatness

2007-01-08T01:29:00.000+08:00

at the turn of the new year, friends kept asking me what my resolutions were. and i was stumped. i never really thought about making any. probably because it usually takes me 30 minutes into the new year to break them. more so the fact that i realise what i want or need to do throughout the course of the year and not necessarily at the beginning. the only thing i managed to come up with when pressured enough was a logical conclusion to how things sort of ended toward the end of the last semester: don't lose sanity.

but i pondered and then it occurred to me. a promise i've been making to myself these past few years since i started uni in perth: watch a shitload of movies.

yes. nothing beats my cinematic experience back in 2002 (the year before i came to perth) when i caught close to 200 films, attended as many film festivals as i could and scoured obscure screenings, especially the ones held at the alliance francaise. the fact that i've been made to shuttle between two countries and devote a large portion of my time to academia has severely disrupted my cinematic consumption. so yes. 2007 shall be THE mad movie year. break my all-time high back in 2002? u betcha sweet cheeks i will. watch out world!

as i am wont to do annually, i've come up with a list of some of the best films i've caught last year despite the unimpressive (read: pathetic) amount i managed to squeeze into my 2006 schedule. lists are vital! they kinda determine my future dvd shopping. as usual, films are about ideas. ideas that move you. so here are some that made me think and feel, the good, the badass and the downright entertaining.

in no particular order:
le grand voyage
match point
brokeback mountain
hawaii, oslo
rent
water
v for vendetta
borat
brick
the prestige
volver
babel

honourable mentions and pretty dang good in their own right: thank you for smoking, banlieue-13 (district b13), united 93, paradise now, breakfast on pluto, king and the clown, north country, c.r.a.z.y., proof, jarhead and time to leave.

happee 2007

2007-01-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

as we left 2006 behind us, i couldn't help but turn around to look for the last time. only one thought rose above the ebb and flow of others, demanding to be heard and remembered as i stepped into the new year.

who'd have thought that things would go and turn out the way they did? who knew that my dissertation would follow me into the early months of 2007. who could've figured out that people who meant so much to me became strangers and strangers became friends. or how i ended up needing therapy. how i miss my nearest and dearest at home and yet grow to love my solitude. or how heartbreakingly beautiful my family has been all the while when i wasn't looking.

2006 wasn't the year i was at my best at anything i did. it wasn't when i was in the best of control either. two things i value a lot. it was however the most i've lived in a relatively short span of time. some great essays were written, some shitty ones were churned out. i've been social and a sociopath. there was abject confusion and yet so many things were made clear. i've been sick and i've never felt better before in my life. i felt full and yet there were times when i felt downright empty. there was love and there was loss.

i will always remember it as the year i kinda lost it. but in pain, the greatest revelations were made. and in so many ways, it answered some questions that've been burning inside but rather forgotten and lost within life's heavy traffic.

so happy 2007 people. viva life and revelations but let us keep the pain to a minimum shall we? all the best for the new year!

enter the labyrinth

2006-12-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

Pan'sLabyrinth.com

it's so close, i can feel it in my bones. and i'm shitting my pants y'all.

from the collective anticipatory hype of the past 3-4 years since i've learnt about this film's existence. at a time when i was still reeling from the staggering genius and insight of the devil's backbone. i haveta admit that not all of guillermo del toro's films are the kind that demand to be canonised but when he gets it right, it doth hit the spot.

for high definition trailers, go here.

how stunning is that?

the adventures of alice in wonderland (fave lewis carroll book everrr) on crack. a melting pot of fantasy, horror and gothic fairytale influences. all of which happen to be genres close my heart.

retreat into the imagination.

the renown is steadily snowballing- bagging awards as it sweeps across fest after fest. apparently the film received a 25-minute standing ovation at its debut at this year's canne film festival. i sniff with indredulity, not because i question its capability but rather i just find it hard giving a half-hour standing ovation for practically anything. i tire easily.

right now, it stands as a nominee of the golden globe awards in the category of best foreign language film alongside pedro almodovar's volver (woohoo!) amongst some reputed others.

another world within a world.

opens in selected us cities on the 29th dec, in singapore on the 30th dec and in perth on the 18th of jan '07.

willing to commit murder to attend advanced screening.

random 002

2006-12-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

the popular notion about cloning is perpetuated by this constant, pervasive rhetoric that man is itching to become god.

i say cloning is really about man trying to be woman.

something sweet this x'mas

2006-12-08T14:21:00.000+08:00

thinking of getting something for that special someone this x'mas? try these uber cool cookies with icing. they're mighty tasty too. good to look at and good to eat. what more could u ask for this holiday? ok lots. but these make for a pretty darn great start to the festive season. they are each painstakingly crafted and decorated (by hand no less!) and they are roughly about the size of your palm or bigger depending on the design. so u can imagine the effort that goes into these.

they're the product of my genius bestie, xiang (a.k.a eileen) who takes on the job of churning these babies out with love, care and glee. so take a look-see guys and if you want more info, be sure to check out the official website of xiang's iced cookies:

FrostietheCookie.com

and you may even leave me a note here, tag me or contact me over msn if u wanna know how to get in touch with her directly. appreciate the time, guys! and i kid u not. these cookies are really good! =)

random 001

2006-12-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

ever felt you were away from home for so long that people are starting to forget you?

speaks for itself, no?

2006-11-17T18:03:00.000+08:00

i seriously hope the next teaser poster is one of the DA. *big dorky grin*

Down and Out.

2006-11-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

i really really really really really need a hug from my mum.

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus.

2006-11-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

am looking forward to this. very much.

about the life and times of diane arbus- revered 20th-century american photographer who makes it her mission... and passion... to capture the people living at the margins of society, and the peripheries of life.

i love the intrigue of her work. the subject matter. the perspective. the depth and dimensions of space. hope the movie's just as brilliant.

"a photograph is a secret about a secret. the more it tells you, the less you know."

- diane arbus

Broken

2006-10-26T17:29:00.000+08:00

spent 5 minutes crying over a broken mug. it lies in my sink in pieces. can't really bring myself to clear it let alone touch it.

opened a box and retrieved a new one. was a birthday gift, and it's pretty.

everyday i ask myself what the hell i'm doing here.

Bellyaching in the AM.

2006-09-21T02:43:00.000+08:00

so a few of the former perthians returned recently for their spring convocation ceremony and boy did they bring the sun with them when they got here (middle of the semester. nuff said). i find myself easing carelessly into their warm and familiar company, udderly marvelled that it feels like they've never left even though i missed them terribly since they left for home a few months ago.

their being here makes me think more about people back home. how much i miss my parents (yes, even my mum.), my cat, my sister and the monkeys she spawned, and especially my nearest and dearest. friends who have morphed into something more than just that. maybe even family. sometimes you don't need blood relations to be family to someone. one of the best things i've learnt from my mum. she's actually wise. i oughtta give her more credit.

i find myself going through pictures from the year thus far. i look at all these faces and remember the simple beauty of things that i tend to forget. of which i wish i did less often. forget that is. yet at the same time, i can't help but feel a little sad knowing that so much must have changed and moved on since we last met, talked, laughed, cried, joked. or just stayed quiet and still on a hot, lazy afternoon. i feel sad that i'm missing out on a large chunk of their lives which i ultimately want to be part of mine too. there's only so much phoning and e-mailing could do. and we find more often than not that we're swept away by the current traffic of our lives. i look forward to going home to these people and yet i'm terrified. i long for their company and yet at times, i want to stay alone. they say no man is an island. bullcrap. maybe the person who made that up that wasn't thinking of women. u can turn into one just fine if u place yourself in a vaccum for far too long. i just pray i haven't been in there as long as it feels i did.

it's 3:10 am right now. man, i need to find a better time to do these things.

A Pirate's Life for Me

2006-07-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

i reckon peter pan convinced me that pirates are cool. the parrot, the wooden peg leg, the bad teeth, rusty swords, gold loot, the wooden plank. what a package. anyway in (geek) anticipation of my catching pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest later, i think it'll be cool to leave a link to this piece of interesting news in regard to pirates of the caribbean: at world's end. yessiree, the next installment to be released next year with chow yun-fat set to kick some serious arse.

when jack fails to explain that bite me is just a manner of speech.

i reckon at this stage, it's a rumour however i think it's uber cool if it turns out to be true that jack and co will 'head towards singapore' as they 'sail off the map'. personally, i'm very interested to see how our humble island back in the day (of the empire) will turn out in the film. "they had better put some melayu faces in there!" jamil had exclaimed in her fervent, but ultimately wasted, passion. i'd be damn glad if they don't portray us as the token cannibals.

let's hope the good guys over at disney (harhar) actually do their research. because dude, if jack and his adventures take place before 1819, he'd really be sailing towards temasek.

update: link to another article reporting about singapore being the story's next location.

Owwie. Think I Broke Something.

2006-07-10T18:36:00.000+08:00

"the moderate critic might concede that some part of 'sex' is constructed, but some other is certainly not, and then, of course, find him or herself not only under some obligation to draw the line between what is and what is not constructed, but to explain how it is that 'sex' comes in parts whose differentiation is not a matter of construction. but as that line of demarcation between such ostensible parts get drawn, the 'unconstructed' becomes bounded once again through signifying practice, and the very boundary which is meant to protect some part of sex from the taint of constructivism is now defined by the anti-constructivist's own construction."

- judith butler

bodies that matter

say what?

5 months of readings. like these.

my hair hurts.

Part Deux

2006-07-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

over the last few months, a couple of friends have been casually demanding why i've stopped updating my blog. the nearest and dearest would already know that when it's the school term, all my writing energy is exploited by the sometimes painful process of mechanically churning out essays. in the little gaps of time i find that i am free from the shackles of academic commitment, i need a serious holiday from words and sentences. although i'm loving what i pursue, learn and think about at uni, higher education does have the talent of sucking out the joy from literary and cultural studies from time to time. i endeavour to be passionate about it. hell, i think i am for most of the time but like everything else made of flesh, blood, bone and muscle, i get tired. hella tired.

leaving behind (not abandoning! well not in the truest sense of the word) my 4-year old blog and all its confessions is bittersweet. i've never really been good at saying goodbyes and letting go of old things. that's why some of you know that i live like a karanguni, hanging on to material mementos desperately for the sake of memory and nostalgia. but i am rather happy with my decision to start up here. it feels good to begin with a clean slate sometimes. all those thoughts, ideas, opinions, likes, dislikes... confessions of old were essentially me but were made by someone relatively different. now, new dimensions of "i" seem to be popping up like a second wave of adolescence. kinda like pimples. interesting (in a gross, coming-of-age way) and totally unwanted when descended upon in mass and severity. maybe these dimensions have been there all the while but i've only discovered them recently over the past few years. part deux is for me to go on loving, hating, thinking, expressing and being as i tread precariously near a much awaited (read: dreaded) threshold leading to the next phase in adult life. dum dum DUUUUUUUM.

so this is for me, and for the people who have been persistently asking and all those, who in their quiet but genuine ways, were just wondering.